TinyTall 2.0

[16:06] XYZ: why is it that the good relationship-building conversations are part romance and part psychotherapy?
[16:07] me: lol… because the romance lulls us into a happy state while the psychotherapy builds dependence
[16:08] XYZ: haha, wow…that’s amazingly beautiful, accurate, and cynical all at the same time

The recipe, and the second new poem from last night. Here’s hoping that the hot, sticky days of summer come more quickly.

 Ingredients:

One pre-baked pizza crust (I like Boboli)
OR
A large round of fresh focaccia bread

One small bunch fresh spinach, rinsed

Fresh basil leaves, rinsed

One chunk fresh mozzarella (in the grocery store, look for cheese with some moisture in the package – this will be the softest and freshest)

Two or three large, ripe tomatoes

Two-four cloves garlic (to taste)

Olive Oil

(Or, to replace the garlic and olive oil, use good quality garlic-infused olive oil)

Slice the mozzarella and tomatoes into thin rounds.

Drizzle a small amount of olive oil over the bread. Layer the spinach and basil leaves to the edges of the bread.

Alternate the mozzarella and tomato slices over the spinach and basil.

Very finely chop the garlic or pass it through a garlic press and spread over the tomato and mozzarella.

Drizzle more olive oil over the pizza.

Slice in large, wide slices and enjoy. Practically perfect for the hot, humid, sticky days of summer.

Cucumbers also work very well on this dish.

Raw Pizza

An early Saturday morning farmer’s market
With colors intense, earthy
And the taste of sunshine
Kissing our faces

Juicy red tomatoes
Skin smooth and firm
Spicy garlic with fire, delicate paper
And a chunk of mozzarella
From farmers passionate
about their work
and at peace with their relationship
to our mother Earth

Carrying things home
In my beat up canvas bag
with tulips announcing
where I have been
by peeking out from the edges

Back in our small, sun-filled kitchen
Slow, languorous jazz fills the air
and cool pink wine frosts our glasses

Flat, round, flour-covered crust
Sits on the counter
Expecting and promising
The joys to come

Spinach, the color of saturated jade
and mild, fresh basil
with droplets of water still clinging
begin our journey

Slices of tomato
still warm from sunshine
the color of sunrise
Add their weight to the pie

Smooth, milky slices of cheese
offset and set the stage for the
brash, wild garlic
and gentle finishing olive oil

Not meant for the harsh heat
of an oven
this pizza sits in the setting sun
while a gentle breeze
tickles our cheeks

The first bite,
creamy, crunchy, spicy
beautiful

A late Saturday afternoon
the taste of earthiness
and sunshine
kissing our lips

Went to the Spokane GetLit’s final event- a poetry open mic tonight at Area 58. First, very cool store. Second, fun open mic– although none of the stuff I’d slammed before seemed like a good idea, given the crowd. So I wrote down a few new ideas and tried them out this evening- and they didn’t go over horribly. I was told the one below is one of the better pieces I’ve written/performed – so here it is, for your critique and/or enjoyment.

Carousel

Ride the carousel with me
I don’t care that we’re three
Times taller than everyone else

And that the kid running
This amusement could be
Our student

Brightly painted horses
And shiny brass workings
Remind us of simpler days

Tinny music kisses our ears
And invites a joyful skip
Onto our chosen mount

Never mind the worn
Leather safety strap
No longer fits around my waist
Or that our legs are
Too long for the stirrups

What others say or see
Won’t matter
And your “grown up” objections
Are falling on deaf ears

Go around in circles with me
Travel back in time
To when money, politics, war
And responsibility didn’t matter

Go around in circles with me
And let that giggle
Escape your lips

Around in circles with me
To feel the simple joys
We once begged for

Circles untainted by
Dante or mathematics

Ride the carousel with me
And be reminded
Of those brightly-colored
Moments of childhood
That we let disappear far too easily

Most days
But not today.

When I saw the news about Virginia Tech yesterday, I didn’t know how to react.
Sadness. Fear. Disbelief.
As someone who worked in student affairs for two years, I also felt a rush of adrenaline. This is the type of thing they always talk about as a “this may happen” and talk about how to react… but you never truly expect to happen.

Then, this morning, I was reading how there are quite a few people angry that a “lockdown” email and order didn’t go out until after the 2nd, and deadlier, part of the rampage started. This frustrated me. Hindsight being 20/20, perhaps there should have been “more” done after the first two students were killed in the dorm. However, I think VT student life staff did, all things considered, an extraordinary job keeping as many students safe as they could.

The reality of a campus is that all-campus communication is usually very difficult. Combine that with the fact the VT campus is VERY spread-out, and that officials were dealing with what they thought to be an isolated incident, and the response was unusually quick. The dorm where the first two shootings occurred was locked down almost immediately. By 9:30, an email (which, anymore, is the quickest and most effective way to get an all-campus message out) went out, as well as an all-campus-phone message and emergency line message informing students of what had happened and to be aware and careful.

At 9:45, the Norris hall shooting had begun. Within 10 minutes, an all-campus message went out once again informing of a lock down.

Ten minutes seems like an eternity in situations like this, yes. However, in those ten minutes realize that every RA on campus was locking down their floors and buildings (if they were there, as student life staff is often mostly comprised of students- who also attend classes). The police and campus security were trying to deal with the immediate situation.  It usually takes 3-5 minutes to simply evacuate a building during a fire alarm. Multiply that by every building on campus, the lack of information, the chaos, and the confusion, and ten minutes is surprisingly fast.

When a campus is spread-out, communication is difficult, and everyone is in panic mode, a lock down is tough. The one time we had to lock down my campus, it took us a deplorable 45 minutes to assure that every building was secure. It’s even tougher when there is chaos.

So as a former student-affairs and student-life person, please, do not be angry at the “slow” reactions of campus officials. They were doing the best they could with a situation nobody had ever seen or expected before.

My heart goes out to the friends, family, and students of Virginia Tech. I sincerely hope that consolation finds each of you in whatever way it may.

While the consensus seems to disagree, I find this hopeful:

Check out XKCD.com for more.

I’ve been answering random food questions from my friends for a while now… so I figured I’d start posting the ones that actually worked out

HB: My lo mein tastes a bit greasy the next day. any ideas on how to decrease that? maybe recooking it with some rice? or I dunno. anything to make the sauce a little less oily tasting?

The oily taste on the second day comes because Asian sauces are usually thickened with cornstarch (or rice starch), which can lose cohesiveness after a night in the relatively harsh environment of a fridge. Lo Mein is also particularly prone to this problem because the noodles absorb oil used in the cooking, then release it overnight. The best way to make it less “oily tasting” is to add an element of acid (either rice vinegar or lemon juice) and saute to reheat. A little sugar or soy sauce will cut the sharpness of whatever acid you add, as well.

I didn’t make it to the second round at the slam last night. I actually got worse scores last night than I got the first time- I actually (ouch) got nothing higher than an 8. This doesn’t sound too bad, I know, but since “average” score that night seemed to be around 8.5, it wasn’t good. Most of it was probably content, since I wasn’t talking about Revolution or finding veterans and hugging them, but still. Grr.

I think the loss last night brought to a head a lot of the little-issues-that-add-up I’ve been pushing back in my mind lately.

Two of the friends I made down in Idaho when I was there are going through a rough time- and I rather wish I could be down there to help them out, although I know I am not as “close” to either one of them as many others are. It’s still a desire to be down there to at least be there and offer what I could to help out.

I also got contacted by Silver, a friend of mine from college that has been in Europe for a while. There are a lot of people who have negative things to say about Silver, but in the end he and I have always gotten along well, and I call him Silver because he’s got an ability to make just about anybody feel so incredibly good about themselves, he even manages to chip away at the layer of mostly-humorous self-deprecation I use at times. I really do like myself most days, but damn, it’s good to be reminded someone else sees that too. I’d like to meet up with him face-to-face again at some point, but alas, he’s 300 miles away and current budget isn’t going to allow for a wild and crazy weekend away anytime soon.

I’ve also been realizing, in discussions with HB, that I’ve had a lack of physical contact lately. It’s one of my weaknesses and I know it, but she and I were talking about how cuddling (not anything else- just cuddling) is a powerful thing, and a lack of that can be difficult for passionate or intense people to handle. She and her boy are going to be separated for most of the summer, and she’s already going through withdrawals. I can sympathize… my family was always very physically affectionate, and not having it on a regular basis is tough. I’m not sure what it is, exactly, that it does for me, but I know that I start to feel very needy and clingy when I don’t have someone to cuddle with.

Anyway, enough with the depressive scheit.

Good news- I’ve been told at work that as soon as I get “outdoorsy” shots of people, it’s very likely that my photos will be considered for use in a lot of our advertising or catalogs or website. So I need to grab a camera (and get mine fixed) and an outdoors person or three and spend a weekend taking pics. This means a trip to Montana soon, I hope!

The weather has also been beautiful! Low 50’s to 60’s, sun shining. I get to eat lunch outside and bask in the sunshine. This also means planting and playing in dirt soon

Finally, I’ve decided I need to either get off work early or take a long lunch sometime soon and ride the carousel here in Spokane. Far too often we get far too serious and forget the little joys we loved when we were kids- and I think riding the carousel sounds like just plain fun. I might get a huge ice-cream cone at the same time.

So tonight I will be trying to slam again.

I actually did compete last month- and went down not in flames, but didn’t make it to the second round. Mostly 8’s across the board (out of 10)

Tonight, however, I will be attempting it once more. I have my first-round poem ready to go, and second-round I’m still working on.

Wish me luck, and if you’re in Spokane, stop by the Emperyan coffee house to see lots of people much better at performance poetry than me.

Edit

Even if I don’t end up going anywhere, I wanted to post what I hope will be my second round poem. Yes, it’s bad poetry, so you can stop reading here if you’re so inclined.

The Audience’s Plea

When you have three minutes to make your point
Don’t waste my time with words like
Power
Revolution
God
Love
Belief
You’re picking up the cosmic
Book of poetry
And reading me the dust jacket

Sure, dress words like this up
With a few adjectives
A metaphor or two
Maybe a personal revelation
Or call for Revolution
And you’re practically guaranteed a 9.5.

Philosophers have filled their lives
And their books
About these words, but never with them
Because the words mean nothing
Without a lifetime of explanation

When you have three minutes to make your point
You stick with the words
That are assured
to reach in and rip out hearts
Or make us feel guilty
Or evoke our own memories
Or at least raise a cheer

In three minutes
You will not
Fall in love
free Tibet
Bring home troops
Heal hearts
Or bring down Wal-Mart

What you can do in three minutes
Is give us a glimpse
Of why you chose those words
Wear those clothes
Drink that beer
Or support this cause

What you can do in three minutes
Is take that mirror
You’re holding to our faces
And turn it on yourself
For when you find your own vice
And give us the truth
You earn a moment, a memory
In each of our minds

We are nothing more than voyeurs
Hoping to glimpse your desires
Your changes
Your growth
You cannot control us
So quit trying to change us
Because in three minutes
All you can change
Is how we see you

True poetry challenges the poet
To lie a part of themselves bare

So in three minutes
Don’t waste my time
and talk down to me
by using words like
Power
Revolution
God
Love
and Belief
Challenge yourself
And in doing so,
Change how I see you
And change how I see the world.

I haven’t been posting lately because I haven’t been sure what I feel like sharing, and I haven’t had the mental energy into creating fluff posts, although all things considered that would have given you, my readers (all five of you) something more interesting to pay attention to.

I am used to being a catalyst. I am not used to having a catalyst. The reality is I’ve got a long list behind me that have changed after meeting me in one way or another. There is also a long list of those who have not, don’t get me wrong. After a while, though, they start to run together.

About a third of the time I start to think I am utterly and completely full of BS- and what scares me is that I think that may be true. The other two thirds it rather scares me that the treatise and manifestos and thoughts I come up with may actually hold some water.

Either way, there are times the dual realities that the universe craves balance and that the universe moves towards chaos. Those two realities can be difficult to balance at times – and it seems that I am constantly reminded it can be a struggle.

I went to church with NT on Easter Sunday. It’s been years since I’ve been to church for anything other than family events- and it was an interesting study. It was a GLBT-friendly congregation, with a gay pastor and his male “wife” (as he called them) one of the music ministers. There was a transgendered individual in the choir, and a very friendly congregation overall. What frustrated me were the readings and cantata. The message was that all are welcome at the table, and that Jesus ultimately saves… yet at the same time the readings mentioned that if you know Jesus and do not accept or trust in him ultimately, you are condemned. I just don’t get the concept that there is this loving, caring, forever forgiving being that is concerned with every small decision and ideal you have. But if you decide to not put every single iota of your life in this being’s hands, then you are forever condemned with no chance of forgiveness.

This is just one of the many contradictions I saw at this service. I am very glad that so many have found a welcoming, open place where they feel welcome and loved. I just can’t seem to “open myself to the message” without logical contradictions and historical inaccuracies and justifications staring me in the face.

I hold enough respect and love for those that still can have faith that sometimes I feel the need and desire to claim “The Gods I’ve Lost.” The reality, however, is that I struggle with those “Gods” on a regular basis. Why? Because it stares me in the face that things seem to happen in my life when they are meant to … sometimes. Balance struggling against chaos struggling against balance, if that makes any sense.

I am confident there is a reason I am around. The list of changes in my wake is proof enough that the universe throws people in my path for a reason. I honestly think my sister (who is my utter opposite in many ways) has much of the same talent- a foul-weather friend… being the person called when things go wrong.

So what’s a girl to do? I try to be as honest as I am capable, and take as good of care of those that I care about. There is that third of the time I get needy or overly worried or concerned, but I honestly try my best- and hope that I don’t get overprotective along with everything else.

Sometimes I just wish it were as easy as believing there were a book or a God or a flying spaghetti monster that tells me exactly what to do. It would just be nice to know if it were chaos or balance I were heading towards.  There has been enough chaos in my life lately, I certainly hope it’s the latter.